Bitcoin: The World’s Biggest Hustle

And what the fuck is a bitcoin, anyway?

William (Dollar Bill) Mersey
2 min readJan 18, 2021


Photo by Roger Brown from Pexels

Ever since first hearing about Bitcoin, I’ve taken a dim view of a coin you can’t hold in your hand. I mean…what the fuck is that?

I have a friend who is a bitcoin specialist. He has 1001 accounting degrees and clearly knows his shit. After he explained bitcoin to me, guess what! I still didn’t know what a bitcoin is. It just sounded like so much bullshit, I decided that’s exactly what it is: a bull’s turd!

I gotta love the news tidbits I’ve been reading on Yahoo. Apparently, bitcoin “yahoos” are out $240 million because they lost their passwords or discarded their hard drives which contained those coins. Answer me this: How do you fit a coin on a hard drive?

It occurs to me that we need to change the name of a bitcoin to something like “bit shit.” Or “bit hustle.” Ya know…something that describes the commodity more accurately.

I have a problem with something that’s worth a fortune — but has no intrinsic value. Show me a rubber and I know it’s worth something. It will keep me from getting a disease and prevent the girl from getting pregnant. Voila! Value!

Show me a bitcoin and…wait a minute. You can’t show me a bitcoin. It doesn't exist. It’s like God. A leap of faith. And yet, “investors” (don’t make me laugh) bid the price up and down every minute of the day.

How about I buy a quart of air today — and then sell it at twice the price in a week? Oh no! It went down 25% and I’ve lost 50k? I’d better kill myself!

My first introduction to bitcoins came courtesy of the Backpage dot com owner. Law enforcement was closing in on the world's largest adult directory and Carl was instructing me on how bitcoin would enable him to continue operating.

That should tell you something right there. Here’s a good way to define bitcoin:

Questioner: What’s bitcoin?

Respondent: It’s a tax dodge.

Ok! Now it’s starting to make sense. Half the world cheats on their taxes. Only an unlucky few get caught! And just a small percentage of those go to prison! Did I hit the lottery or what?

I’ll tell y’all this: It’s bad enough that I own stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. They’re a hustle, too. But nothing like bitcoin. You couldn’t get me to speculate on bitcoin if you stuck a gun to my head. Not gonna happen.

And to those morons who lost their passwords or ditched their hard drives? Basically, you never had anything to begin with. So you lost nothing. Get over it.



William (Dollar Bill) Mersey

Daily Beast, NY Daily News, Daily Mail, Independent. Top Writer in nothing. Bottom Writer in everything! Curmudgeon first class