Working suicide watch at MCC federal prison with Jeffrey Epstein

my certificate and photo

To nobody’s surprise, prison is a place and experience which often propels its inmates on a downward spiral to the depths of anxiety and depression. Well aware of this problem, prison administrators have designated programs to handle inmates who’ve reached rock bottom and want to end it all.

Suicidal inmates…

Get the best bang for your advertising buck with Dollar Bill

Photo by author’s friend (at the rodeo at Madison Square Garden)

I know. I’m certainly not the first guy to name himself Dollar Bill. And I won’t be the last. But the slogan worked for my advertising agency. And my real name was William — which in my mind, legitimized the hackneyed old name.

So anyway…I was born in the New…

Learning as I go

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Over 200 dashes and almost 6 weeks in, I’m still learning nightly on how to navigate the Doordash gig. And one thing that's occurring to me more and more lately is that Doordashing is a marathon — and not a sprint. No marathoner jumps out and runs the first mile…

Labeled a skank forever

Photo by ariyan Dv on Unsplash

Mia Kalifa. Yet another dumbbell who thought it would be cool to fuck on camera. She found out differently like every other naive young girl who thought the same.

Here’s the reality of being a “porn star:” Once a porn star — always a porn star. …

And yes, he was on a Citibike

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

After writing my latest rant about Citibikers (or shittybikers as I call them), my feelings were once again reinforced last night when I saw what one of those shittybikers did. Actually, there were two instances — not just one.

Shittybiker #1 seemingly had it all. First, the dude was riding…

The little prince likes his pizza

Photo by Pawel Nolbert on Unsplash

When it comes to choosing which Doordash deliveries I’ll take, I have to be the worst kind of cherry-picker my employer has ever suffered. Too big, too small, too far, too near — I’m worse than a hooker rating her tricks on a bad day.

And so it was last…

He (or she) doesn’t know how to ride

Photo by Robinson Greig on Unsplash

Just like with New Jersey drivers when you’re a cabby, you can rest assured that a shittybiker poses a similar annoyance and risk to professional delivery riders.

In an effort to make New York greener, greater minds than mine conceived of a plan to litter the streets with bicycle riders…

The one big difference

Photo by Pascal Bernardon on Unsplash

I’ve already compared driving a cab and Doordashing, describing both hustles as at least first cousins — if not siblings. Their respective universes are just that parallel. …

The yin and yang of it

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

In the initial email from Doordash concerning my invitation to join their focus group, all participants were offered a $400 “gift” if they were chosen. I barely paid attention to the “gift” part. All I saw was 400 smackeroonies. Which elicited my positive response.

Come time for the group to…

Not a whole lot


Just yesterday, I received a communication from Medium telling me it had suspended a story I wrote because of the piece’s questionable images. The truth is that I have model releases from all the women who were in those images, and the only reason for the suspension came from a…

William (Dollar Bill) Mersey

I’m just an old lump of coal. But I’m gonna be a diamond someday!

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