Working suicide watch at MCC federal prison with Jeffrey Epstein
To nobody’s surprise, prison is a place and experience which often propels its inmates on a downward spiral to the depths of anxiety and depression. Well aware of this problem, prison administrators have designated programs to handle inmates who’ve reached rock bottom and want to end it all.
Suicidal inmates were certainly not a rarity where I stayed. Guys threatened to “hang up” (the colloquial expression used for suicide) on a more or less routine basis.
As such, the prison had a mini tier of suicide cells down on the second floor. Four of them in fact. And somebody had…
Whether you’re a lover or customer
Whether you’re dealing with professionals or amateurs, women are at once the simplest — and — the most complicated creatures on the face of the earth. Sometimes you think all they want is a good pounding when really, they’re just looking for a dozen roses and a little romance. Other times you think their angst is so convoluted that there’s no hope of ever untangling the neurotic mess when all that’s really wrong is she’s menstruating.
Regardless, spending my life hanging with escorts and listening to them talk to each other as if I weren’t even in the room, I’ve…
Not the physical paragon you’d think
A cautionary tale from back in my adult ad-selling days.
Back when I was the neighborhood cab driver, there were just a few places you could find me. I was either driving…sleeping…fishing…hunkered down in a lap dance joint…or hanging out in an East Village bar tryin’ to get laid.
And as a regular at legendary East Village oases the likes of Downtown Beirut, The Village Idiot and later…The Coyote Ugly, I was friendly with most of the bartenders, all of whom were pretty hot (that’s why they got hired).
We had a lot in common. Like…we were all in the…
Get the best bang for your advertising buck with Dollar Bill
I know. I’m certainly not the first guy to name himself Dollar Bill. And I won’t be the last. But the slogan worked for my advertising agency. And my real name was William — which in my mind, legitimized the hackneyed old name.
So anyway…I was born in the New York City area to educated parents both of whom graduated from Columbia University. …
Not goin’ up country
Faced with the impending doom of spending a year in prison, I was faced with a momentous decision. Should I sublet my rent-stabilized New York City apartment? Should I let it lie fallow? Or should I negotiate a buyout with my landlord? Each had its pros and cons.
Subleasing would net me a legal 15% increase. But the landlord might try to block me. And who knows what could happen with my subleaser in the period of a year?
Or, I could let it lie fallow. But who wants to pay a year’s rent for a place they’re not staying…
A match made in heaven
Thanks to having just read a story about a man with two dongs by Christine Stevens, I harken back several years ago when the editor of Screw Magazine — who once also edited an all-about-the-porn-biz rag titled “Fox” — invited me to a photoshoot for the corporation’s flagship publication “Gallery.”
That shoot featured an Asian girl with two pussies.
Because two vaginas don’t look quite as obvious as two dongers, the shoot (among other facets) featured closeups of the “twins” with small objects inserted in all three of her “down there” orifices (can’t leave out the pooper) to prove beyond…
A note to Nicki and Cardi
Cruising Yahoo News — trying to find some meaningless subject upon which to pontificate — I found a story featuring Megan Thee Stallion and her newly-slimmed body. And of course, the article was accompanied by photos.
My immediate impression was this: Finally, a fresh-mouthed female rapper with a real body! I wasn’t sure about her booty, but clearly, her chest is real. Cue Cardi B and Nicki Minaj, female icons for objectifying males — and poster girls for fake body parts.
Let’s get real. What subject most preoccupies these two women? Yup! Junk size. Booties, boobies, and boys’ endowments are…
He doesn’t know what his girl is doing all day
I’ve written before on the subject of guys who don’t know that their girlfriends sell sex for a living. Mostly, I feel that men should be honored — not horrified — when they find out. With an amateur, they’ve only beaten out a few guys. With a pro? Thousands, often. But there was one time when upon hearing a girl tell the story, I felt badly for the guy who didn’t know.
The man wasn’t the girl’s boyfriend yet. They’d been out on a few dates, and it seemed the storyteller was interested in this guy on a very organic…
The Coyote Ugly bar and story
Once content to be an anonymous East Village Bar full of drunken city guys trying to be country, The Coyote Ugly became a famous chain, one of the most embarrassingly horrible movies ever to come out of Hollywood, AND a reality show on CMT! How did all this happen? I know stuff. I was there at the beginning.
Yep! There it was — right on my CMT: A new reality show starring two pseudo country girls I used to drive home in my cab at the end of their bartending shifts.
And as if it were a traffic accident —…
A different near black and/or Asian lives matter moment
Many years ago, I was visiting a casita at the junction of Roosevelt and Greenpoint Avenues in Queens, NY, on a mission to take pictures and sell them an ad or two. After shooting an analog roll, I exited to a one-hour photo joint (this was many years ago, obviously) to have the images developed. And when I returned to pick up the photos, a scuffle between two store security guards and a shoplifter broke out in front of the store.
Because the Caribbean store employees wore no uniforms…and the thief was Hispanic, the two cops in the cruiser that…
William (Dollar Bill) Mersey
I’m just an old lump of coal. But I’m gonna be a diamond someday!
