Whether you’re a lover or customer
Whether you’re dealing with professionals or amateurs, women are at once the simplest — and — the most complicated creatures on the face of the earth. Sometimes you think all they want is a good pounding when really, they’re just looking for a dozen roses and a little romance. Other times you think their angst is so convoluted that there’s no hope of ever untangling the neurotic mess when all that’s really wrong is she’s menstruating.
Regardless, spending my life hanging with escorts and listening to them talk to each other as if I weren’t even in the room, I’ve…
And with a guy who refused to believe he’d just made her cum — let alone was the first
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had this thought: That girl in the porno making all that noise? She’s not really cumming, right? It’s just an act for the camera.
Well…it’s not a lot different for sex workers. Yes, with a little technique and finesse, you might actually get your paid partner engaged in the act. But let’s get real. Part of being a good hooker is being a good actor. And a customer is much more likely to return if he thinks his performance was worthy of a standing (or lying down) ovation. Any pro worth her weight in…
What you do with your girlfriend, you might not want to do with the local escort
Escorts work on a variety of service levels — mostly determined by what makes them feel comfortable — and what makes them feel uncomfortable. We all know this. For every GFE type girl (girlfriend experience) in the business, there’s at least one who doesn’t choose to go that route.
But what about the guys? Do we all do BFE…or just a small percentage of us? I read the reviews on several sites and I’m well aware that there are many guys who are much more “BFE-ish” than I am.
So what the hell is a BFE? By my definition, a…
Not the physical paragon you’d think
A cautionary tale from back in my adult ad-selling days.
Back when I was the neighborhood cab driver, there were just a few places you could find me. I was either driving…sleeping…fishing…hunkered down in a lap dance joint…or hanging out in an East Village bar tryin’ to get laid.
And as a regular at legendary East Village oases the likes of Downtown Beirut, The Village Idiot and later…The Coyote Ugly, I was friendly with most of the bartenders, all of whom were pretty hot (that’s why they got hired).
We had a lot in common. Like…we were all in the…
Get the best bang for your advertising buck with Dollar Bill
I know. I’m certainly not the first guy to name himself Dollar Bill. And I won’t be the last. But the slogan worked for my advertising agency. And my real name was William — which in my mind, legitimized the hackneyed old name.
So anyway…I was born in the New York City area to educated parents both of whom graduated from Columbia University. …
Tool time for a torrid temptress
Here’s an odd piece of first-person female erotic fluff I wrote for some editor who ran a girly rag that featured confessionals supposedly written by women. Note that the cable man’s beeper goes off at one point and he asks the woman if he can use her phone. That should tell you how long ago I wrote this!
About this time last year, my sex life had degenerated to an all-time low. I’d had a string of men pursuing me, all of whom were inappropriate for a variety of reasons. One was too poor, one was too short, one was…
Does everybody steal? It sure seems that way.
In the wake of our ex-Mayor’s embarrassment (his Harvard coed daughter was apprehended lifting $150 of makeup), I harken back to other famous (and not so famous) women who have also been caught stealing.
In the ranks of the famous, who can forget Wynona Ryder, who after getting busted for shoplifting, claimed she was researching a part? Or legendary cheapskate Barbara Streisand who used to run out on New York City yellow cab fares?
But my favorite thieving celeb was a Miss America — and Commissioner of NYC Consumer Affairs (in the Koch administration) named Bess Myerson — who not…
Everybody thinks they have a good sense of humor
If you’re a guy who wants to seduce a woman — and you aren’t handsome, rich, hung, or intelligent, what’s left in the arsenal? Yup! Make her laugh. Everybody loves a funny guy or girl. And everybody thinks they have a good sense of humor.
But the sad truth is that only a few people really are funny. For every person who actually is funny, there are ten who try but fail. And painfully so for the unfortunate listener who has to smile every time that person makes a lame attempt at humor.
Enter a certain leading humor publication on…
My own brother living a baseball groupie’s dream
From the archives — for all you aficionados of the national pastime.
I called my brother yesterday to see how everything was going (what with his having three pieces of real estate for sale and no buyers) — and was glad to hear he actually sold one of his vacant domiciles! Not for what he was asking — or even what his lowest price was when I last saw him in December. But hey! The dude was paying taxes and whatever else on three unoccupied homes which I think we can all agree is three too many.
So anyway —…
NOW’s successful initiative to rid NY print media of adult advertising
The following is an article I wrote over a decade ago for my own magazine covering the National Organization For Women’s initiative to rid the Village Voice, New York Press, and New York Magazine’s adult advertising sections.
In conjunction with Eliot Spitzer, then governor of New York State who stepped down after being outed as a huge whoremonger, NOW succeeded in convincing all but the Voice to cancel their adult sections.
This was my take on the issue at the time.
The National Organization For Women (acronym NOW) claimed a significant victory last week when The New York Press ended…
William (Dollar Bill) Mersey
I’m just an old lump of coal. But I’m gonna be a diamond someday!
