Working suicide watch at MCC federal prison with Jeffrey Epstein

my certificate and photo

To nobody’s surprise, prison is a place and experience which often propels its inmates on a downward spiral to the depths of anxiety and depression. Well aware of this problem, prison administrators have designated programs to handle inmates who’ve reached rock bottom and want to end it all.

Suicidal inmates were certainly not a rarity where I stayed. Guys threatened to “hang up” (the colloquial expression used for suicide) on a more or less routine basis.

As such, the prison had a mini tier of suicide cells down on the second floor. Four of them in fact. And somebody had…


Get the best bang for your advertising buck with Dollar Bill

Photo by author’s friend (at the rodeo at Madison Square Garden)

I know. I’m certainly not the first guy to name himself Dollar Bill. And I won’t be the last. But the slogan worked for my advertising agency. And my real name was William — which in my mind, legitimized the hackneyed old name.

So anyway…I was born in the New York City area to educated parents both of whom graduated from Columbia University. …


On my cherry-picking ass

Photo by Nicolas Postiglioni from Pexels

Just like with Medium, Doordash has an algorithm that separates the chaff from the wheat. And last night, it exacted its revenge on my sorry ass. Do algorithms have feelings? Not likely. But sometimes it sure seems that way.

At 7 PM last night, I decided to DVR whatever football game I was watching and hit the road for a few hours. The weather was beautiful and I’d barely been out all day.

Hour #1 was the bomb. I made $31.50 by 8 PM. But the law of averages being what it is, my luck turned when I got whacked…


The graveyard shift

Photo by Flo Maderebner from Pexels

As with cab-driving, the food delivery gig has its busy and slow times. And while it might strike some as insane to hop on a bike in New York City at midnight and deliver food for 4 hours until 4 AM on a weekend night, that’s the time a guy can make the most dollars per hour with the least stress.

Essentially, the city is easy to navigate and mostly desolate with the exception of the hot night spots where millennials are on the prowl. So though it seems dangerous, it actually isn’t. New York City crime scene notwithstanding, a…


And there are several

Photo by Erik Mclean from Pexels

I am now 8 days and 46 hours of “dash time” into my Doordash food delivery bicycle gig. And already, I’m a pro who pretty much knows the ropes and potholes of the job. Yes, you can make $15 an hour or even more if you get lucky — but this is not work for the faint of heart. I knew it would be physical (which is what I was looking for) — but it can also be annoying as hell in areas I didn’t anticipate. …


Livin’ large in the projects

Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric from Pexels

This little Doordash retirement gig is becoming quite a kick in the pants. Despite the decidedly minimum wage/workaday reality that comes with the territory, it’s a gig everybody should try for a hot minute.

I’ve only been on the road for a week (on the dash clock for 36 hours) and I feel like I’ve been everywhere, man — I’ve been everywhere (thank you Johnny Cash). I’ve delivered Mickey D’s death food to the 68th floor of a magnificent high rise boasting almost an acre of lobby space. And I’ve been to some seriously grimy projects that made me shiver…


The sad story of FBI negligence concerning Olympic gymnasts

Photo by Liza Summer from Pexels

As if it isn’t bad enough that Larry Nassar sexually abused more than a gross (144) of America’s elite female athletes. It has now come to light that many of those underage girls complained bitterly about Nassar’s “therapies,” and the FBI, made aware of the situation, did nothing save poo-poo the girls in response. And yesterday, it became headline news at 6:30 on all the networks.

What I wanna know is: How many dire situations can the FBI flub? Anybody remember how the agency handled the 9/11 attacks? Yeah. A flight school called the FBI to tell them some shady…


Show yo’ ass up on time, Your Honor!

Photo by Sasun Bughdaryan on Unsplash

It was just about 5 years ago today that I donned my Men’s Whorehouse suit and reported to the Eastern District for my official plea bargain. I would be allocuting in front of the judge — confessing to my crime — all of which pained me as I figured we could get the whole job done via email — rather than my having to pay a lawyer $600/hour not just for his time in court — but his commutation time back and forth from New Jersey to Brooklyn as well.

Just so you know — I’m a cheap guy. And…


Don't get the Covid vaccine. It’ll make your balls too big!

Photo by Mwabonje from Pexels (a Nicki wannabe no doubt telling it like it isn’t — just like her idol.)

I have little doubt that pop/rap stars the likes of Nicki Minaj and Cardi B won’t be appearing on the rolls of the Mensa Society anytime soon. But when you tweet complete medical quackery to your 22 million viewers with some absurd nonsense about the side effects of getting the Covid vaccine, you have demonstrated beyond a reasonable doubt that you’re not just incredibly stupid — but irresponsible as well.

Enter Nicki who just yesterday told those millions of fans not to get the vaccination because a friend of her cousin’s experienced swollen balls and impotence after he was vaccinated…


And the world’s most undignified profession

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV from Pexels (This photo reminds me of the old lap-dancing days. Girls used to grind on guys’ laps while counting their money and talking to the girl to the left who was on another guy’s crotch doing the same thing.)

Let me begin this rant by saying that I defend the right for a woman to sell her body for a living. Sex prostitution should be decriminalized and the stigma removed from the profession. Providing a good sexual experience for a person in need can be extremely therapeutic for the buyer— more so than a good sit-down with a shrink (just my opinion).

But there is a dark side to the world’s most undignified profession. Mother nature, in her infinite wisdom, has provided the female gender of homo sapiens with a pain/pleasure quotient when procreating.

I’ve thought about this. And…

William (Dollar Bill) Mersey

I’m just an old lump of coal. But I’m gonna be a diamond someday!

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